{"id":3460,"date":"2018-12-01T09:11:32","date_gmt":"2018-12-01T14:11:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theprodigalpig.com\/?p=3460"},"modified":"2018-12-01T09:36:51","modified_gmt":"2018-12-01T14:36:51","slug":"vietnam","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.theprodigalpig.com\/?p=3460","title":{"rendered":"Vietnam"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Me:\u00a0 How is your friend?<\/p>\n

Prodigal:\u00a0 She’s got the look of a sheep-killin’ dog.<\/p>\n

Me:\u00a0 Probably should stay away from her then.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once the dreams began, they never stopped, but once they did I wished they would start up again.\u00a0 They were always the same–an explosion, fires burning, an army tank overturned and my son Jimmy’s body lying on the ground.\u00a0 Someone was taking his rings and watch off, and I would wake up crying, saying his name over and over; “Jimmy…Jimmy.”\u00a0 I was afraid to close my eyes, even to take a nap.\u00a0 The dreams kept coming and they were so real.<\/p>\n

The strange thing was, Jimmy was still in basic training at Fort Knox, Kentucky.\u00a0 He didn’t know about the dreams, and wouldn’t.\u00a0 I was afraid to give voice to them to anyone.\u00a0 Finally, from sheer exhaustion, I collapsed and was hospitalized.\u00a0 Four days later I awoke to find Jimmy sitting by my bed.\u00a0 It seemed, in my unconscious state I had repeatedly called his name.\u00a0 The doctor had contacted him and Jimmy got a ten-day leave.\u00a0 I told him it was just exhaustion, but the worried look on his face made me vow to myself that this would never happen again.\u00a0 I assured him of that.\u00a0 The dreams were never mentioned.\u00a0 I was to see him two more times.<\/p>\n

After Fort Knox Jimmy was sent to Fort Polk, Louisiana, for advanced infantry training (AIT) where he received word he was being sent to Vietnam, but would be coming home for three weeks before going.\u00a0 Corky, my middle son, who had volunteered two months after Jimmy was drafted, and would also be going to Vietnam, was at that time stationed at Fort Sill, Oklahoma.\u00a0 On Jimmy’s leave, Corky, my youngest son David, and I went there so we could all be together for four days.<\/p>\n

After boarding the plane to come home, Jimmy looked out the window at Corky still standing at the gate and said, “That’s the last time I ‘ll see Corky.”<\/p>\n

I said “Please don’t say that.” But he just said, “It’s true, Mom,” and never spoke another word all the way home.<\/p>\n

After arriving back in Nashville, I had to take David back to the private school he was attending, but waited as long as possible so he and Jimmy could spend time together.\u00a0 As I headed David for the car, Jimmy said, “That’s the last time I’ll see David.”<\/p>\n

He saw the look on my face and said, “It’s true, Mom,” and went back into the house.<\/p>\n

The next morning I awoke to the sound of the riding lawn mower.\u00a0 Looking out the window, I saw Jimmy in cut off Levi’s and tennis shoes mowing the backyard.\u00a0 I took him some lemonade and said, “You don’t have to mow the lawn.”<\/p>\n

He looked around at the house, the yard, at me and his car sitting in the driveway, everything, then said, “I like to mow this yard, and who knows, it may be the last time.”<\/p>\n

The next day, at three in morning on American Airlines, he left for Oakland, California.\u00a0 Before boarding the plane he hugged me and said, “Promise me you’ll always sing “Where No One Stands Alone’ for me.” I promised.<\/p>\n

Three days later he was on his way to Vietnam.\u00a0 At midnight that night the phone rang.\u00a0 The operator said, “I have a collect call from Wake Island.\u00a0 Will you accept the call?”\u00a0 Practically screaming, I said, “Yes!”\u00a0 I will never forget these words. “Mom,” he said, “I know it’s a long ways and costs a lot of money, but i just had to hear your voice one more time.”\u00a0 We both said “I love you,” then he was gone.\u00a0 Sleep was a long time coming.<\/p>\n

The nightmares continued.\u00a0 Corky came home on leave before he was to go to Vietnam.\u00a0 One day as I was writing Jimmy a letter, it turned into what I guess you would call a poem.\u00a0 The beginning line was, “My son, my son, I pray that you’ll come home to me my son, my son.”\u00a0 Finishing the whole letter, I read it to Corky.\u00a0 He said I should put it to music and send it to Jimmy.\u00a0 “He would be so proud,” he said.\u00a0 My producer, Owen Bradley, and my friend and coworker, Bill Anderson, agreed.<\/p>\n

Two weeks later I went into the studio but couldn’t sing without crying.\u00a0 Owen said, “Jan, it’s just another song.”<\/p>\n

“No Owen, ” I said, “It’s my son’s life.”\u00a0 Gently, he said, “If you can get through it one time, we’ll take it.”\u00a0 I did.\u00a0 In my next letter to Jimmy I told him to expect a small package, but didn’t tell him it was a tape of the song.\u00a0 I wanted it to be a surprise.\u00a0 “My Son” was released two weeks later.\u00a0 I tried to sing it in concerts, but the words couldn’t get past the lump in my throat.\u00a0 Corky left for Vietnam exactly two months at the exact hour and minute after Jimmy left; the twentieth of August.<\/p>\n

October the twentieth I wen to Atlanta, where I worked the next week.\u00a0 Worked and cried.\u00a0 I called my attorney, who was in the National Guard, and asked him to please check on the boys.\u00a0 His answer was, “Jan, they’re all right or you would know.”\u00a0 I told him that was the problem…I did know.\u00a0 At the end of the engagement I returned home and did not leave my house.<\/p>\n

Wednesday, October 29, I asked a friend how I would be notified if anything happened to my sons.\u00a0 I was told two uniformed officers would come to my door.\u00a0 When I awoke Thursday morning I realized I had not had the dream.\u00a0 I showered and dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a light blue shirt, but no shoes.\u00a0 Ordinarily I would then put on makeup, but that morning I knew there was no use.\u00a0 My friend Jeannie Bare called and asked if I was all right.\u00a0 It was obvious she was crying.\u00a0 When I asked what was wrong, she said, “Oh, it can wait. I’ll call you back.”\u00a0 After that it was as if I was in a trance moving in slow motion.\u00a0 Ordinarily I would have turned on the Today Show, but not that morning.\u00a0 The phone rang again.\u00a0 It was my hairdresser asking me to please open the door because “They had been ringing the bell for half an hour.\u00a0 I had not heard the doorbell or anyone knocking.\u00a0 “Who are “they”? “I asked and hung up the phone.\u00a0 But I knew.\u00a0 I don’t remember going downstairs.<\/p>\n

When I opened the door, I saw two uniformed officers and my son David, who rushed forward and grabbed me and I began backing up, screaming, “No! No!”<\/p>\n

But David, sobbing, told me the news: “Mom…Jimmy’s dead.” Over my screams I heard one of the officers say, “Mrs. Howard, we regret to inform you your son is dead.”\u00a0 That’s the last thing I remember, but I understand David, all one hundred and fifteen pounds of him, carried me upstairs to my bedroom.\u00a0 Five days later the plane arrived carrying Jimmy’s body, escorted by my son Corky.<\/p>\n

Though I prayed to die, I knew I had to live for David and Corky.\u00a0 But I had one request: “When Jimmy’s letter comes, I want it.”\u00a0 They told me there would be no more letters, but I was adamant there would be.\u00a0 Jimmy’s funeral was on Tuesday and his letter arrived on Saturday.\u00a0 In it, he gave instructions like “Don’t get behind in your washing and ironing; you know that’s your downfall.\u00a0 And promise you’ll take a vacation now and then.\u00a0 You know you’re not made of iron.”\u00a0 He also said, “I know Christmas will be there before you know it.\u00a0 Please remember I’ll always be with you in spirit.”<\/p>\n

Thirty days later I still had not left my bedroom and had done nothing but cry and read and reread Jimmy’s last letter.\u00a0 It was the first time I had been alone.\u00a0 Again, I was reading his letter just to see his handwriting.\u00a0 Suddenly he was beside me on the bed, dressed in his stay-pressed pants, V-neck sweater and open-neck shirt, the clothes he usually wore to school.\u00a0 He looked so sad.\u00a0 “Mom,” he said, “I’ve been trying to get through to you, but I can’t.\u00a0 Read the last chapter before the book of Ecclesiastes.”\u00a0 I screamed, “Jimmy!” and reached to touch him, but he was gone.<\/p>\n

At that moment Corky walked in.\u00a0 I told him Jimmy had been there.\u00a0 He said, “Now, Mom….” But I assured him I wasn’t crazy and then told him what Jimmy had said to me.\u00a0 Corky got the Bible and turned to the last chapter of Proverbs.\u00a0 It told about Lemuel, King of Massa, and how his mother taught him advice about life.\u00a0 It went on to tell about the rareness of a capable, intelligent and virtuous woman.\u00a0 “She is far more precious than fine jewels…her children raise up and call her blessed…many daughters have done virtuously, nobly and well, but you excel them all.”\u00a0 I knew Jimmy had spoken to me through those words.\u00a0 He knew the Bible, but except for Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, I didn’t.\u00a0 I couldn’t have told you there was a book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible and he knew that.\u00a0 And he knew Corky would know.<\/p>\n

Jimmy could never stand to see me cry or hurt in any way and he knew I was literally grieving myself to death.\u00a0 In my heart I believe God allowed him to return for just those few seconds to share words that would help me live.<\/p>\n

When my sons went to Vietnam, I had prayed so hard for their safe return.\u00a0 But when Jimmy was killed, I turned away.\u00a0 One minute I would say I didn’t want to hear God’s name, but in the next I’d be praying for strength….which, through His Grace, I received.\u00a0 The first time I went back to church, I was late and the minister was already into his sermon….The text that day was the last chapter of Proverbs.<\/p>\n

Thank you , Lord.<\/p>\n

Jan Howard<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Galatians 5:9<\/p>\n

A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Jennifer Van Allen<\/p>\n

www.theprodigalpig.com<\/p>\n

www.faithincounseling.org<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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